I know that we shouldn’t label people in this world, and that is something that I am totally against, “live and let live” is what I say. However, I do believe that as humans, we fall into four categories, people that give, people that take, people that fake it and people who want to make it. I have come across quite a few of these people in my life, and having now had the time to step back and evaluate relationships I have had, I can see more of what people are.
Take my girlies for instance, they are “givers”, if one of us is in trouble, it is like the bat phone rings and three superhero’s charge to the rescue, ready to take on any challenge. Children, “we have got this, take one each and deal with it”, broken heart, “don’t worry, we have the sewing kit” and loosing yourself, “no need to panic, we have the map to find you”. Their hearts know no limits and they are always full of love to give anyone that is in need, especially their fellow sisters. I think this is why we have survived seventeen years of friendship, no matter what has happened. There have been crossed words and arguments in that time, but, we have always remained strong. Even when we have had “takers” infiltrate the group and cause trouble.
Knowing when you are giving too much is also a very difficult lesson to learn, finding the balance between giving everything and all of yourself, but, still managing to hold back enough to keep yourself sane is hard work. I have been on the rough end of this many a time, and lost my way, I have given everything to people whilst they have sat there and taken, giving nothing in return (you probably know who I am referring too).
Then you realise, there is nothing left in the tank, your empty, and there is no filling station near by. When this has happened in the past, I have always tried to dig down deeper and find any last drop of giving that is there, then I smash spectacularly into the wall and it takes family and friends to re-charge the Duracell bunny before she can get back up and go again. Just to fall into another giving/taking relationship, and the poor survivors have to go through it all again with me.
Because of this, I have learnt not to give everything to those who don’t matter. If people want to be in your life and want to share with you, then there is balance, there is an equilibrium that is reached and no one needs to throw the scales out because neither is giving to much or taking too much. One of the favourite relationships I have in my life is a two way street, we don’t need to discuss it, there is no massive debate on who gives what, it is just easy. That is why it is one of the strongest bonds I have, and I will do anything to protect it.
I do not trust easily, I have been hurt so many times, that I can’t count all of which have been at the hands of “takers”. Every time I go into a new “relationship” of any kind, whether it is friends, a significant other or work, I go in with an open heart. I go ready to give you everything and expecting a level of respect in return. That is all I ask, nothing more and nothing less, however, when you hurt me, all bets are off and your cut from the pack. Literally, as severe as cutting a dead body from you as your climbing a mountain. Do you carry on and save yourself, or do you try and continue with them weighing you down? I do it to save myself, save myself from the hurt and the pain that they cause me. I have done it with friends, family and significant others. In fact I did it with Champagne Charlie, I walked away and he has never heard from me since. As simple as that.
“Takers” always seem to get on in life, they take what they want and leave what they don’t want, while the “giver” chases behind them screaming “is there any more that you need?” I often wonder why we put up with such toxic relationships in our lives. Now that I am getting older and wiser (i hope) I am starting to see what the warning signs are. I am starting to see them in a friendship that I have at the moment, one sided traffic, it seems that I am putting all the work in, and getting very little back in return. My head is starting to kick in and say, “careful girl, you have seen this behaviour before”. So I’ll start to back off, if they want me, they know where I am, if they don’t, then it is their loss, and they’ll end up with all the other dead bodies I have left behind.
Then we come to the worst group in my opinion, at least with a “giver” and a “taker” you know where you stand, with a “faker” you have no hope. Everyone loves to fake it, eyelashes, hair colour, photo’s and boobs, the list really is endless. However, with “fakers” you never truly know what your getting yourself into. Are they your friends? Are they trying to get to an end game? Before you know it, you are lost in a major circle of self doubt and anxiety, they are sitting pretty wondering what all the fuss is about.
They sympathy seek, they cause jealousy, they stir the pot, they can’t find there own way so they use yours. I could rant for hours! Why do people need to be too faced, manipulative and in my opinion just plain awful? There really is no reason, when all you need to do is say it how it is, own it and move on. Not everyone in this world will be everyone’s cup of tea, so if it doesn’t work, move on and find someone that you do want to be around. I guess what I am banging on about is being true, life really is too short to loose it in a wave of trying to fake it, what will faking something with someone achieve? Nothing but the broken emotion of the other person who is being taken for a ride.
I have seen it with my own eyes, I have watched as a “friend” faked it so badly that she lost herself, and in doing so, she lost us. She gambled on the wrong bet and we all came off worse for it. We lost who we were really in love with as a friend. As she changed, we changed, we could see that she was no longer the beautiful, funny, courageous and clever woman that she was. But, more self centred and doing what she could, to hold onto a man by faking it. Needless to say she ended up as another number in my every growing body count.
The final piece to this puzzle is the “makers”, they are the ones that will fight tooth and nail to make it, in life, in relationships, in any game. They want so badly for it to pan out in the right way, that they will sacrifice everything to try. Usually they win, and at times they come off badly. They loose sight of themselves and what they are about in a bid to be someones everything. But their sense of determination is limitless, they will get there, or die trying. I am one of those people, if i set my mind to something, then there is no way that I will give up until I make it happen.
Although, sometimes I get it wrong, I gave up trying to make it with Champagne Charlie, as we all know, I put in everything and still didn’t get it right. Or so I thought, it wasn’t me that didn’t get it right, it was him who was so blinded that he couldn’t see what was in front of his face. Looking back on it now, I am glad he didn’t see me. I think I would be in a very different place now, emotionally and physically if he had stayed, and I probably would have lost a few people around me that I never want to be without.
I think what I am trying to say is, know what it is that you want from a relationship, any relationship. Know who you are before you go giving everything, to someone who is not worth it and if it starts to look like it is becoming toxic for you, then try to address your concerns. If the person is not prepared to listen and understand your feelings then, don’t stay in a bid to try and make it, because, it can’t, it won’t, and no matter how hard you fight, it just wont cut it.
This world turns with all these types of people in it, hearts get broken, minds and souls get used and people fall along the way. But, the most important thing is to take care of yourself, because if you don’t achieve that, then you can’t take on others and understand fully what they are bringing or taking from your life. We are only here for a short while, we want it to be the best it can be, so surround yourself with people who push you, challenge you and love you in ways that make you want to be a better person. Because, they are the “givers” in this world, they give you hope, hope that life is good and that you need to be just where you are right now.