I thought is was about time that I introduced you to another one of the loves of my life. La La has stood by my side and held my hand, more times than I can remember. She not only is one of my best friends, she is my flat mate and to say that we have fun living together is an understatement. I asked her if she would consider writing something for the blog as she is the “Yoda” of the flat. Below is her first post, and it is amazing, I hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I did.
I suppose it’s time I took my turn to say hello, introduce myself and say a little of some of the many things on my mind within this safe place The Girl has created. So I am La-La, you may of heard of me in a few previous post’s. I’m a Leo, who is very fond of Harry Potter, chocolate and a good one liner every now and again.
So one thing that I have found myself saying quite a bit recently is “perfection and normal are human constructs” and I whole heartily believe this.
I have known The Girl for a large portion of our lives, along with Chica and Roo Roo, seventeen years to be honest. Having watched her journey the last few months and the many conversations around the highs and lows of it all, one thing has struck me and made me take notice. It is something every single person does at some point in their life, multiple times to be fair. They seek perfection and seek to be normal.
As a general rule, these are not a negative things to reach for, perhaps maybe more in “perfections” case it should be encouraged, however I have started to notice not only in myself, but in those around me that this quest for perfection and normality is in fact causing anxiety and self-doubt.
We’ve all said it, “I want this party to be perfect”, “is it normal to feel like this?”, “I want my outfit to be perfect”, “can everything just go back to normal?”, “I want the perfect body” and so on.
So let’s start with the easiest one, “perfection”. Whilst everything we strive to be is perfect, and they are good things to aspire to, the reality is, for the most part they are unattainable, because there is no such thing as perfect. What’s perfect to you is more than what I would aim for or possibly less, we are all individual so there would be several levels of perfection, some equal most opposite ends of the pole.
Then there is good old regular “normal”. Now this is one that everyone has fought with at some point in their life. The idea that something or someone should be normal, but that’s the trick question really, isn’t it? What is normal? Does anyone actually know the answer to this, if so feel free to share at any point. I have fallen victim to this way of thinking majority of my life, it caused me to quite frankly be an idiot for most of my teen years, trying to be normal and fit it in, constantly striving and every time falling short, in yet another mortifying embarrassing teenage way of life way.
Honestly best advice I was given, that nearly 15 years later I finally appreciate was “high school doesn’t last forever, and these aren’t the only friends you will have”. No truer words spoken, I only wish I took it on board a lot sooner than I did, however that is a whole other story we might get into another time.
Again, we are all individual’s so what is normal to you is abnormal to me and likewise. To me it is perfectly normal (see what I did there) to get an hours workout blasted in the gym, followed by a 50 minute walk in the fresh air, then followed by a take away and barely moving from the sofa on a Sunday afternoon.
Now some might agree with all or part or none of that. Just like I may think the opposite of normal is barely moving from your bed on a Sunday, due to the massive headache your suffering from a 6 hour drinking session. Started at some point on a Saturday, ending somewhere in the early hours of said Sunday morning, with a depleted bank account and possibly new scar, mark or tattoo to remind you of a night out.
Or perhaps your normal, is an early start with swimming lessons, followed by the weekly food shop, visiting relatives, a children’s party, a family dinner, followed by wrangling the over hyped children high on sugar into a bath then to bed. With roughly 10 minutes to sit on the sofa thinking about all the other things on your list that are still to be done.
Different stokes for different folks, that is the key people!
The thing with both, that really annoys me, and that I still do, is compare myself to others. By that I mean we compare our normal and perfect against others, and feel that we fall short and that we are less because of that. Or the worst offence, in my oh such humble opinion, is when the use of someone’s version of normal or perfect is a way to judge others, for not meeting their own personal standards. Seriously don’t be an arse no one wants to be around an arse for too long.
It’s like we are reaching for an invisible bar, that if we can grab hold of, then we’ve made it, however if we are looking at the person to the left or right of us, and comparing perfect and normal that bar will always keep moving away from us.
Now there are some social norm’s that everyone should aim for, and I am not saying you shouldn’t, all I am trying to say in this “jibber jabber” is that worry about yourself and what makes you happy and comfortable. If this matches anyone else’s perception of normal and perfect great, if it doesn’t that’s great too.
Individuality is the key, it’s what makes life interesting, so embrace your individuality and what is normal to you. As well as the things you find perfect within yourself and your world. We all have to live in this world together, so we might as well get on with it, stop comparing and judging and just have some fun. We are only renting this space so get your time’s worth!