I have done it again, gone missing on you all. I apologise, I have not been uploading consistently and I have not been doing exactly what I said I would be doing (well, nothing changes there). I had to check out for a while and try to decide what it is I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I have spent nearly a year to the day on this huge rollercoaster, and whilst I have achieved so much, there has been so much additional going on.
Those close to me know I have had a little set back with my recovery, yes I admit the fast food and the ice cream did put in an appearance and so did my evil twins (depression and anxiety, guess its the right time of year with Halloween just around the corner). But I haven’t stayed in my bed for too long, to be honest 48 hours have been my maximum, which considering I have spent weeks at a time, I think that is quite the improvement.
I have had family things that have taken over, especially with my Dad, which I have needed to sort and life has spun around for me in a completely different direction that I never expected. But, I wanted to come back with an explanation to what I have been up to and also that there is so much exciting news to come.
So with all that said, where have I been? Well I have finally decided what I am going to do with the rest of my life and that does not in any way, shape or form have anything to do with retail! I have broken up with it, pulled the plug and rid my life of the toxicity. Strong words I know, but finally it happened, retail and I got a divorce!
I’m going back to school in the near future to re-train and do something completely different with my life that involves one of my passions and also the love of helping people change their perspective of themselves. I am not going to give away all the details just yet, but if you keep looking you may see some clues.
The extended family and I completed out tough mudder challenge, which was full of laugher and quite a few bruises! It was so much different taking part in something that
was based solely around teamwork, usually I have taken part in events that are individual based. However, it was amazing to work through something with your loved ones, and just like in life, we were there for each other and together we crossed the finish line arm in arm.
The other amazing thing about taking part in this challenge, was that we were raising money for charity, we chose the Rainbow Children’s Trust and with a bit of hard work and the creative talent of Chica, we pulled off a bake sale, with huge raffle prizes and
also managed to inspire the local community to get involved. I’m so proud to say that we managed to raise nearly £1,000 which we know the charity will put to such good use and really make a difference to the lives of terminally ill children.
My motto in life has always been “go big or go home”, in the spirit of that, I couldn’t just stop at training for Tough Mudder, I had to set my own challenge. I wanted to see what my body would be capable of doing if I trained for 28 days straight leading up to it. I know, not the wisest of decisions, but I thought well why not? I don’t advocate doing this unless you have spoken to a professional, done your research and have a healthy eating plan in place to fuel your body.
To say it was challenging would be an understatement, however it inspired me once I
started to see the results, to push harder and commit myself. I didn’t make it the full 28 days, I lost one of the days to Tough Mudder and a wall, but it has inspired me to keep going with my training, my learning and understanding of what you can achieve through hard work and dedication, whether it is physical or mental.
I was also approached by my gym to write an article for them based on the importance of exercise when dealing with anxiety and depression, and how it helped me to overcome my own insecurities. It was a real eye opener as I didn’t appreciate how much my workout routine had impacted on my recovery until I had the chance to sit down and write about what I had done. It had helped with my fears, worries and also gave me the confidence to be out and about with people again, and to finally get rid of the sinking feeling in my gut that people were judging me.
Again, what advice I give, is only on the basis that it worked for me. Just because I am looking back to myself again, and getting back into the world, doesn’t mean that I am “fixed”. I have come to the realisation that I will always will be a work in progress and that is more than ok. I often used to wonder if I would ever get over this? I used to question if I would ever be “healed”. My answer is no, what you will do is learn what your triggers are and find new ways of coping through them. Yes, at times I have succeeded, and at others, it has put me straight on my back, dark room needed and silence.
Just like you need to fuel your body when you are training and your body is changing, you also need to fuel your mind to understand new ways of dealing with difficult situations. There is nothing wrong with taking a few seconds before you jump into a reaction, to breathe, analyse and decide what the best outcome for you is, and then go with what you choose is the best course of action.
The moral of this story is, to take time before you make your choices, because this is your chance to write your own goals of where you want your life to go. How you want to make an impact on the your loved ones and the world around you, and it today it all goes wrong or there is a bump in the road, remember tomorrow is a new start and a new chance to write on a different page.